Split Your Personality In Two

bleeeeeeeeh

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 03:54:18 GMT

Well I am so close to being done all school work till January I can feel it.

My roommate situation has improved. I pretty much said "If you ever talk to me or treat me negatively again I will turn away go to my room and I swear to god never speak to you again." I think he got the point.

Anyway I've been doing so many things so many presentations of work and it never ends!

If anyone wants to see what I am working on Dance wise, please go to indystudy I am doing a 5 month independent study on site specific dance (dance outside of the theatre) My last piece was on a baseball diamond and am now working on a very small investigation in the bathtub...yes the bathtub! Its pretty much documentation stuff so don't expect anything of severe quality (please excuse my verbal blah blah too because its for my teacher to read really) but their are some nice pictures of what I'm up to.

Here's two pictures from my performance art class final presentation. I was writing a 12 page paper on the images and interpretations of Eve in the Middle Ages and created a performance off of the imagery and my new found knowledge. It was light and funny, that's how I like to spin my religious figures ;)

The piece was titled Glutton. ( and I made the dress and then glued patterns of dollarama fake leaves on, I'm on a budget.)

I don't know what to say.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 04:11:18 GMT

I have never in my life felt threatened by a man. I always keep my ground and don't let some mans nature over take mine because he is taller or has a louder voice.....now things have changed. I feel verbally abused everyday of my life by my male roommate and I have never felt so out of control of my own life.

This person threatens me and my other female roommate.
tries to command us.
tried to get me kicked out by going behind my back when I invited him to live with me after I had lived in the apartment a year. (the landlord sided with me)
blows cigarette smoke in our face after we have just asked him to not smoke in the house.
he threatened to kill my cat.
is mentally unstable.
plays gun shooter games over the sound of our movies on purpose as to start some sort of sound war...he always wins as the sound of machine guns over surround sound is enough to give anyone a headache.
he refuses to pay me for hydro bills
This person has verbally abused me on numerous occasions saying I'm "the most fucking pathetic person he's ever met" I "have a small pee brain" and that "everything that come out of your mouth is garbage" he's even said "I think your fucked, you've had a traumatic childhood and weren't brought up properly." what did I say to start all of this. After he had yelled at me over and over again I broke and said "Stu, I don't like you. I don't want to be your friend. We can co-exist in the same house but I disagree with your opinions and would rather not discuss anything outside of roommate talk" He cried. I didn't I left. So I get called an unsympathetic sadistic bitch. (why because I'm not a wuss?)

I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER YOUR SISTER OR YOUR GIRLFRIEND

I am not the strong female presence you might have hated at one time, because I am not afraid of you this is why you say all this to me.

Inside I stay strong while this tall evil man leers over me pointing at me and calling me a bitch. Yet inside my cool confidence and passive aggressive remarks to him are all a facade. Inside I am afraid of what this person might do to me. I am afraid he could hurt me one day because I don't think he respects women AT ALL and has told me he would hit a woman. My heart beats faster and I feel as if someone has walked over my grave when he walks by. I shake when he yells at me shivering in secret fear. I am afraid and sad to admit it. I feel as if I am in an abusive relationship. One I clearly would never get myself involved with. How can I be subject to this?????? How can someone who has been raised to always stay strong and be bold feel so scared of a man. I feel ashamed I feel fear yet how can I deny it when it is slapping me across the face.

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 23:11:00 GMT

Its so funny how things change and we grow up. I am sitting here taking a break from my research and wondering when I decided that I had the potential to write essays that get A's.

..so confusing. I always thought myself to be so focused on the arts because I was too illiterate to ever really write anything properly. My writing style is confusing yes but my ideas are becoming clearer. I remember high school when I wouldn't study for a test because my reasoning was that I would fail it anyway and I was going to university for dance so who cared. Funny how silly my reasoning was, if you don't apply yourself and you fail then there is no fault, but if you apply yourself and do fail then you are truly stupid. Thank God I woke up from that side note of my anxiety disorder as a teenager.

Now I am in forth year university almost finished getting good marks and wondering why. I am almost finished university..something my teachers at high school said I could never accomplish. Sad how a teacher would assume that I didn't want to continue my education just because it wasn't purely academic.

I am proud of myself. I am eager to put myself out there and try and fail, I am not afraid to fail anymore as it is a process which I welcome in the experience of aspiring to better myself as a choreographer and thinker. If we are so paralyzed by fear of failure we surely will fail and learn nothing from it.

A couple of days ago I presented my independent study, a 5 month study individual to myself, my mentor (the head of the dance department) said he was pleasantly surprised and that this piece was different from my usual style and that it was really good work. I wasn't afraid to fail so I went places I wouldn't, I didn't hold the ideas and logic of the movement so closely in my hands like a child I let it go and take on something of its own universe.

I am busy right now researching images and representations of Eve in the Middle Ages. It is so funny that religious studies is where I found my academic understanding. I am applying for a minor in Religion and this impresses me because I am writing essays and exams and for once feel confident in my academic standings and don't procrastinate in fear of an assignment.

Dance or do you mean horseshit? ..cause I'm going to go with horseshit.

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 22:30:19 GMT

So this is me making a very brief crazy haired appearance on So You Think You Can Dance Canada. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy this is all you see of me, sooooooooo happy. My dress ripped almost in half and I have been dreading them airing that and I am very very happy that they didn't. Now if they don't show me in Montreal I will actually kiss there feet.

I stick out like a soar thumb in the choreography shots.

Blood Burleque and Fancy Weddings

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:41:14 GMT

Well Fan Expo is over and this year felt strange, maybe from the overwhelming amount of emphasis on my sisters wedding, but it didn't feel full force.

..does mean I didn't have a kick ass time!!

I also squeezed in a shoot with FashionWhore, damn is Marisa talented or what, that girl had every prop and look set up. Of course I had to buy a dress which I couldn't afford :P

The wedding was also just beautiful, I comprimised with my hair, but it was worth it. I must say that it went over quite well. I was there from 10am - 2am though and dear lord by the end of the night I wanted to diiiiie I was so tired.

Here is an silly amount of pictures from the convention, the wedding, and the FashionWhore photo shoot I did.

And I mean like seriously silly amount..like a fucking lot...like a catch up of my life.

Riding in cars with...other girls :P

Looking like a doll

Blood? Alright here you go.

Ben was very excited about seeing me in a bloody schoolgirl outfit, you should have seen his face when we met him outside the building. Wait till Halloween! Which Ben has never celebrated....crazy Australians! No Halloween? How does one survive without it?

The Next Day:
I had to stay blood free as I had to take the train to Niagara Falls for my sis's bachelorette...which included very well endowed nasty strippers and a haunted house.

Milk Drinking

hehe

And now for some very differently styled wedding snapshots.

This was at the Rehearsal dinner, my middle sis is on my left and my big sis on hers. Orange to brunette to blonde. Both my sisters seem taller than me but don't be fooled my middle sis is 5'2 and my big sis 5'4! I am the tallest!

Me and Ben chilling while things were getting set up

My Big sis - My Dad - My middle sis- Me! We all look like my dad.

Ritche and Carly awww

the brides maids..those dresses made everyone look faaaat. Or maybe it's because we're beside my ever so tiny sister.

Under the huppah!

My grandpa, My sis, My Grandma, Me, My Step-Mom Fern and My Dad

Me and my grandma look like we're cooking something up :P

My Mom and her boyfriend Terry

That was I think the largest photo post of maybe all time ;)

Blooo Blaaah

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 23:15:11 GMT

My sister's wedding is fast approaching and I can't flippin wait! If I hear one more comment about how I should change my hair colour for the wedding as not to distract...I will quite possible throw something at someones head.....

enough about the fact that I am going crazy fighting my sister about this, which by the way both of my parents are on my side. I offered to wear a wig and she said "No that's weird"...yeah I am weird so what?? If I take the yellow strip out of the front of my hair and dye it a little less bright she will compromise...I like the yellow T_T

Last month I was part of a big party in Montreal called Robots, Dolls and Monsters. I was body painted...clearly as a monster. It was an experience I'll say.

Oh and in other news....WHY ISN'T WATCMEN MADE ALREADY?!?!?! I neeeeeeeeed to see it now..although I am concerned slightly as to how they are going to achieve the standard at which the graphic novel was made. Oh well I guess I can wait...

OooOOOOOooo scaaaaaaaaary :P my eyes look cool though..go grey eyes!

The neeeeeeeeeeeed

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:56:17 GMT

I am coming to Toronto for all of August and I can't tell you how happy I am. I miss my man squeeze. My big sis from China will be in on the 16th for my middle sis's wedding on the 31st. I can't wait to see her, I have missed my big sis soooooo much. She came in for only 4 days last month for my zadie's funeral, and it seemed like she was her for a second.

I can't wait to strut down the aisle in my floor length pale avocado BCBG dress....barf. haha

I've been kinda organizing some photo shoots lately well in the next couple of months...and I don't know why, I have never ever called myself a model. I did a runway show for Fashion Whore and I think it kicked me back into loving runway. I think I like that I am fuller and can still kill at walking a runway.

I just find it really interesting to be part of another creators creative process, it's much like dancing. Should be fun. I just want to get my camera fixed because I do really miss getting bored in the summer and taking self portraits at 4 in the morning when I am delirious or inspired. It's a good way to get out a those contained images. It's all very casual but some photos have inspired concepts or moods for my choreography.

Well 1 more day and I'm back in Toronto to run around like crazy helping my sister with the wedding.

such an old picture.

The Fury of the Red Headed Hussy and the Man Who Spat on Her

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:46:50 GMT

Let me just start of by saying that I myself will admit to getting very angry when pushed. I am usually quite passive until I believe someone has crossed the line....

in last nights case someone did.

I was walking down Mont Royal with Elyse and her boyfriend as in the distance I noticed some crazy man pushing over signs and breaking things, not caring I proceeded to walk by as the time frame didn't permit me to cross the street. I've walked by many of a crazy and nothing has happened.

not this time.

Apparently this rage infested man decided that when he walked by me he would spit on and at me with whatever he was chewing. Now I haven't been in a great mood for the last week as I am sleeping on a yoga mat and am missing my boyfriend.

So about 10 seconds passes till the rage and shock of what happened hits (the man has kept walking) so I throw down my umbrella and scream "Are you fucking serious?!!!" the man exclaims from a far "Yeah I'm fucking serious you bitch bitch...bitch" you get the idea.

By this time all the rage in my 5'4 body had filled and I was so beyond giving a shit I was about to go punch this guys face in with whatever I could find. Elyse told me not to and pretty much held me back. Now I am storming up almost throwing up at the need to brush small pieces of food. I have a mini panic attack and start crying. I am no wimp and wouldn't give some fuck the satisfaction to see me cry. As I look down at my hands I notice my middle finger in cut in the shape of my nail. I was so mad I must have smashed my hands together and not noticed I sliced my finger.

I wish I had punched that man. I would have taken a punch just to get one swing at him...with a 2x4.

A little honesty

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 01:25:28 GMT

I bought a thick faux leather garter belt today, quite heavy duty, at the street festival. For the past year I've been collecting vintage or interesting lingerie here and there. I have some cute egg shaped bras and some great nighties. I have to be honest when saying it feels good to have someone to finally show these items I buy aimlessly to someone. Not to mention that I cant wear underwear that isn't cute, I just can't do it! Plain underwear scares me! On that note..I might have bought hello kitty undies today as well :P

Action Figures and Australians

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 19:31:13 GMT

I'm back in Montreal and I don't really know why. That's a lie, I do know why I just wish I didn't. Elyse is moving up here Today, she should be here in a couple of hours.

I want to be in Toronto playing the new grand theft auto with Ben where I get to picking up hookers, beating up men in suits and taking our girlfriend Michelle on cheap dates .

Such is life.

I already miss my hunky aussie man. This photo is from my birthday this year, it's the morning after he cooked me dinner. We were searching for items to finish off our costumes for my b-day party that night and some man was doing a project about couples in the city, he sent me this (I am short) :P

I decided to be Poison Ivy, typical :P I finally have almost all the female action figures I want. I have Storm, Catwoman (I've been searching for a hot Catwoman forever), Poison Ivy, the sickest Phoenix and a Harley Quinn, although my Harley Quinn is a doll, so I might need to get another :P I might get another storm too cause she's so old but she's so original to the comics. Man do I hate action figures after a movie, like why make X-Men figures that look like Halle Berry? ughs. haha I am a nerd. I still need a good Rogue, Emma Frost(I lost mine when I was around 13) and if I can a Black Cat I always loved her in Spiderman when I was a kid. Those are Marvel and DC action figures though that doesn't include my other action figure and doll loves...NERD!

Not to mention I want that albino gloomy bear. Must hold out until Convention...soo...hard.......need money..to live..food more important..than..dolls......maybe not.

story of anyones life

Tue, 20 May 2008 03:12:04 GMT

What is it with me???? Really though? I am not a superhuman, not a creating machine. Why don't I understand this? I always take on way too much, so much that I am scrambling day by day to get it done. Why am I taking a 3 week intensive theatre course, rehearsing for a show in November (dancing), participating in another intensive 4 week course with the topilogical media lab(dancing) and trying to make my work finished and polished for the fringe (creating dance)? and why of all things holy am I sick?????????

dance dance run around, dance. create, rehearse. story of my life, I like that that's the story of my life, but when does reality hit when I just have to say "NO I can't perform that night, sorry I cant help you choreograph that, I don't have any time."

It doesn't help being away from Ben.

T-minus 2 weeks

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 19:42:30 GMT

2 weeks till my show and I had my offical freak out cry fest yesterday. Fuck solos are really tough man, the craziest emotional thing ever. After crawling back out of my hole, I went back to my insperation, the core, and it really helped.

Send me good artistic vibes my way I friggin need it.

Contemporary Dance is honestly amazing.

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 19:28:17 GMT

Sometimes I doubt what I am doing in life, but then someone comes along and says "Hey I rented a dance film called blush" I youtube it and then all worries fall away and I realise this is it for me. My place. and I fucking love it.

Dance? whats that?

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 20:10:45 GMT

I am injured. arrrrrgh. My hips once more have been locked and are seriously disturbing the rest of my body. I am trying not to get too depressed about it but my show is in 3 weeks and my piece isnt finished.

On a brighter note I have decided to share with you an amazing dance film Amelia

This could be the most amazing thing I've ever seen

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 15:00:50 GMT

Last night me and elyse decided to watch one of a set of 9 crappy cult horror films I bought together for like $10. The movies clearly were complete shit...
BUT they had old trailers on it and omg I would pay $10 just to own the trailer of.....

THE KILLER SHREWS!!!!!

me and elyse played it over and over and over and over again till like 2 am. We made the REEE GEGEGEGEGEGGE sounds of the shrews until at one point I was laughing so much I couldnt breath and I peed myself slightly.

I cant even explain to you how amazing this trailer is, so I'll show it, take in account that it obviously looks much better on a tv.

La La La

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 15:17:24 GMT

The summer is almost over...

uhh....? does someone want to explain how that happened and how most of my goals didnt get done? lol

This weekend is my dads wedding, zaiden's opening, then ericas b-day, a whole lot of organizing clothes, a tent partay, the Convention and then I'll be back in Montreal in my new place decorating and I do believe Elyse and Mark are coming up, which will rock.

Between China and South Carolina I think this summer has been quite long. I've got the travel bug now, and I want to plan some more trips. I believe me and jake are going to europe next summer. I also want to go to L.A to visit my cousin.

This year is going to be a good one I can feel it, hey with Japanese Pop-Culture on your schedule, how the hell cant it?

Oh really?

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:35:59 GMT

I smashed the back of my skull on concrete in a drunkin dance jam. It really hurts, and I am an idiot. drunken dance injury #2.

Other news. I am not happy with the new revelations that are befolding. I think I might have a boyfriend. His name is food, and I need to break up with him. It's just a really abusive relationship. How do I honestly think I am going to be a dancer if I dont A. eat right B. excercise and tone C. stretch properly. Not to mention I just feel down right hideous lately.

More dreams with the evil male figure that filters its way into my dreams, haven't had those in a while. If he is so evil, why is it that he always wants to help me, take me away, love me, or play games?

Premiere??

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 04:00:46 GMT

That's right. I am sooooooo excited to be able to go with Erica to the Toronto premiere of Hairspray! After the movie is screened, a kick ass party will unfold at The Drake. This makes me happy because A) I looooove Hairspray and B) I have really been needing an event to get all pretty for, and me and erica have pretty vintage dresses ^_^

Wheeeee!

Last night Elyse, Mark and I all decided to stay up all night at the beach, drive back to Mark's house and then play gutair hero till around 8 in the morning. Me and Elyse polished off a bottle of tequila and did our normal car dancing, to "woman", on the way down. I like having people I can be silly with.

Tomorrow night I'm seeing Ed and Jake's (the roomies) play for the Fringe Festival and afterwards will enjoy myself in a little renegade parade called Castles In The Sky! sweeeeeet. Ashley will be there in all her fairyness. We will frollick about! That is to be guarenteed.

Exciting times ? I think so.
But I still wish I was on vacation on the other side of the world...just a weee bit.

home? sweet ? home?

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 15:15:18 GMT

Looking at apartments suck. Right now we're in between one that would consist in me paying $250 or one that I would pay $450

...here's the two sides of the story, the $250 is in a better place for school, but the room i would get would honestly be a closet, worse than the one in montreal I have now. The place is nicer but the room is fucking small. Heat and hot water is included..and that's awesome.

The $450 is honestly absolutly beautiful, needs no work but is a little farther away from the metro, and if you know where I live in conjunxtion to where I go to school you know that anything farther than where I live now is like suicide. My room would be awesome..and there's a porch in the back... jhsj;ùh;dgh UGH!!!!!

I have no idea what I want to do, we have more places to look at though so no worries...EEEEEEEEE
3brs are fucking hard to find man and more so when you're trying to get one late in the season.

I WANT TO GO BACK TO CHINA!!!!!!

Why not?

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 05:40:46 GMT

so like this dude took my picture and I dunno it's kinda cool

:P

I have a fro, and I love it.

Photography- zaiden
Hair and Make-up - stellrgrl

I'll post more laters.

It's my birthday !

Sun, 06 May 2007 03:37:00 GMT

wheee ! I'm in korea right now enjoying my first morning as a 20 year old. Scared as hell for 20..no 1 before a number to use as an excuse for bad behaviour :(

I've really been enjoying myself here and am coming back next year (if i work hard enough to get here) china and japan maybe ? ashley you in?

The first 5 days I stayed with my sister in shanghai, then to seoul south korea for a week, I get home today and will be celebrating my b-day with stef who is also travelling the orient. THEN after a couple days in shanghai with stef I'll be heading on an overnight trian to beijing to see the great wall. Then another train to xi'an to see the terracotta warriors and panda reserve! After that I'll be flying back to shanghai for a day or so and then onto my a million hour plane ride home!

wish me luck!

China China oh oh China

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 17:41:28 GMT

Well here I am and it's 2 days to china. My nervous stomach is growing as I am going alone. I'll be meeting up with my sister but the flight is alone and then I have to take the fastest train in the world to go see her. Pu Dong---->Shanghai! I've got my chinese visa, my passport, money, inssurence, but I havent packed yet! My sister told me to bring three pairs of shoes, 3 pairs of pants and so forth....anyone who knows me knows this will be a difficult task. I'm joking I can do it... She says that everyone who comes there brings a lot of clothing and ends up buying so much crap that they have to buy another bag and then pay extra to get it on the plane.

18 hours....trip in total...fuck I hate planes...I get like super paranoid the plane is going to crash and I start freaking out, but I've gotten pretty good now I just take deep breaths and concentrate on how cool the plane is and how the pilot is a cool guy..everything is cool...

For the love of all things holy!

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 16:54:20 GMT

I am les tired. Passover is coming up and I think Jake and I will be holding a little sedar din din on Monday, time to get cooking! This is my first Passover sedar without my family...It's actually horribly upsetting because it's one of my favorite times of the year. All my family at one huge table, I always sit beside my Zadie and pick out his food for him, it's too much of a tradition to miss. Yet I can't come home because I only have 5 days of school left and they're important.

Time is catching up with me. Last night I went out and drank and I kept on falling asleep at the bar, everyone was all worried like I wsa sick or blacking out and every once in a while I'd pop my head up and go "I'm just sleeping chill out." I'm such a grandma! Lately I can't stay up past flippin 12:00. I guess all that hard work in dance class is paying off.

hehehe

MUAHAHAHA!!!!

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 13:28:48 GMT

YES! My crappy zombie film is on youtube! This is what happens when your creative process teacher says "Go into pairs and make a dance film" and then everyone in the class says "We don't know how to use a camera or edit?!!" and she says "You figure it out"....................

Stuffs is enoughs

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 00:28:54 GMT

I finished my piece yesterday. finally it is done and it is beautiful. It's 8 minutes right now, and it at the most is not to go over 7 minutes, but thats just fixing up transitions and fastening some parts the dancers arent sure of cues yet. I am going to take a million pictures so no worries.

Today me,jake and olivia climbed and explored Mont Royal mountain, I had never ventured up the mountain in the almost 2 years being here. I felt stupid that I hadn't had enough time to see somehting 10 minutes away. It was amazing non the less and I want to go exploring at night some time soon, with flash lights and boots.

Now I just have to figure out where i am to live next year :P

Oh and now for examples of my stupidity

Example #1 The lets tackle one of my managers (as a joke of course) about a foot taller than me to the ground while drunk in the snow. Took him to the ground but smashed my shin on the curb in the process. "ow I think I hurt my shin" yeah you did you butthead.

This doesn't represent the bruise very well but oh well.

Example #2 The lets while drunk do contact dance with jake and lift him up and do cool stuff then let him lift you and you both go opposite ways and with momentum and a lot of height be dropped on your back and land on a coffee thermus mug.

The yellow is in a C shape as the cups handle. I have to go to doctor to make sure it didn't move organs or displace my hip once more, which it most likely did.

Again this is not a proper representation of the bruise.